Things We All* Do When We’re Drunk – Number 1.

30 Jul

Hello beautiful people! After another top night out I got to thinking about the stupid things we (or maybe just I) do when under the influence.  The next few blog posts will (probably) be a series of me rambling about some of the dumb/embarrassing things I do when intoxicated. Enjoy.

Thinking that you’re hot stuff

Now usually at the start of the night – after I’ve spent hours attempting to look semi-decent – I’ll give myself a quick check in the mirror before I leave the house and think ‘meh I look a bit crap’. It’s at that moment that I decide that I’ll just drink myself pretty and all shall be fine. The first couple of times that I subsequently make my way into the club toilets due to a case of ‘breaking the seal’ I’ll have a quick little check of my reflection and deduce that whilst the last 5 JD and coke’s have somewhat improved my appearance, I still look a horror. Fast forward 2 hours and a plethora of dodgy cocktails later and I will often find myself walking to the toilets for a quick touch- up (of make-up you filthbag, get your mind out of the gutter). Standing in front of the mirror, make-up in hand I take a good old look at the person staring back and me and think ‘I look bloody sexy. In fact I look so bloody sexy I don’t even need a touch up, I am fricking perfect the way I am’. Just to double check I ask the mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all and whilst I get no verbal answer, I know that she agrees. With a new-found confidence I sashay my way out of the toilets to demand that me and my friends take an abundance of photos to document the beautiful creatures that we are. Except the camera doesn’t lie, does it? And we haven’t documented how motherf’ing gorge we are, rather we have documented how disgusting and delusional we are. Not that we know it right then. Skip forward to the next morning and I’m constantly refreshing Facebook eagerly awaiting the photos from last night that put the likes of Jourdan Dunn and Giselle to shame. The time has come, the little red icon appears at the top of my page and I’m notified that I have been tagged in 772 photos – bloody hell, there’s got to be a sexy little new profile picture in there somewhere. Result. As I skip through the multitude of drunken photos the harsh realisation dawns on me that Jourdan and Giselle have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’m not Britain’s Next Top Model. I’m a weird little gremlin. Oh dear. You would think that I would learn my lesson but every single weekend I make the same mistake over and over again. Oh well.

Please let me know if you also do this, so I know that I’m not a lone grimy troll!





50 Facts About Me – This is definitely self-absorbed! – Part 2

30 Jul

26. I don’t tan. Seriously. I’ve been sat out every day in 30 degree sun for the past 4 weeks annnd….nothing. White as a sheet.

27. I am obsessed with brushing my teeth. Up to about 6 times a day….I’m worried that I’m doing more harm than good :/

28. I have seen every Disney film ever made and know the vast majority word for word. I’m sad.

29. I like to learn one new word every day. Today’s word is ‘caveat’ – a warning, in case you were wondering!

30. I wear bright clothes, always. You will rarely, if ever see me in black.

31. I wish it could be Christmas every day. Really.

32. In general ‘real life’ I’m not really an emotional person (although there are exceptions) but when it comes to stuff on the TV/films I can bawl like a baby.

33. I can tell that I’m getting older because I can now appreciate a good view(!) and weddings make me emotional…even if I don’t really know the couple.

34. I am THE WORST person for texting back/answering my phone. I’m sure it’s very irritating.

35. People who don’t rinse off their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher DRIVE ME UP THE WALL.

36. I am a huge lightweight. It takes absolutely bugger all to get me drunk.

37. I almost studied dentistry as university but I changed my mind last minute. I only really wanted to be a dentist for the money but then I realised I’d rather have a job I loved than a job that gave me a lot of money.

38. I could drink banana milk by the gallon if it didn’t make me fat.

39. I love Jo Frost. She is AMAZING. She says what I wish I could do to some of my class’s parents.

40. I hate fast food. With passion. Not for any moral or health reasons, I just can’t bear the taste.

41. I’m as stubborn as they come. Heard that phrase ‘cut off your nose to spite your face’? Yeah, I do that.

42. When I find a song/film I love I will listen to/watch it over and over and over again until I am sick to death of it.

43. I get super grumpy when I’m cold.

44. Shallow, vacuous people make me want to rip the skin off of my face.

45. I’ve cracked my head open more times than I care to remember.

46. Whenever someone asks me my age I always tell them the wrong answer. Not on purpose may I add, my mind just still thinks that I’m 20.

47. I look young for my age. Apparently I still look 18, which works for me!

48. I’m more of a dreamer than a realist. I’m so not a realist.

49. I can’t sleep with my hair down because it wraps around my neck and I’m scared I’ll strangle myself to death.

50. I am the happiest person ever 🙂

50 Facts About Me – Is this Self-Absorbed?! – Part 1

29 Jul

Hello beautiful people! So I saw a few people had made little posts naming 50 (or more??!!) facts/snippets about themselves and thought I would get involved seeing as you know nothing about me! Hopefully this isn’t too tedious and you can get to know me at least a little better….although at this point in time I’m not sure I can think of 50(!) things about me! Here we go…..

 1.       I’m absolutely, completely, utterly  freaking terrified of flying. So much so that I haven’t been on holiday in 7 years when I was 15 (just sneaking in another cheeky little fact here – that would make me 22!). I need to be hypnotised or something. I can’t see myself getting over it any time soon!

 2.       I’m a girly girl with the heart of a nerd. I love fashion, make-up etc, etc, blah , blah, blah, but inside there’s the nerdy child that never went away. Please don’t get me wrong though – I’m not one of these hipster chicks who wear chunky  glasses and shirts with ‘nerd’ emblazoned across the front and call myself a nerd. Please. Spare me.

 3.       I’m a newly qualified teacher! – Hahahahaha whaaaaat!? I still feel far too young and it doesn’t quite feel real!

 4.       If you want to make me happy then give me puppies and watermelons.

 5.       I watch an OBSCENE amount of trashy TV. It’s shameful. I seriously doubt that there’s a reality show that I haven’t watched.

 6.       I have to have my nails painted at all times. I don’t like nasty nails.

 7.       When I’m having a fat day I will dip a big old stick of chocolate in peanut butter and eat that shit all day. Seriously good but seriously disgusting.

 8.       If you have a South African accent then I probably want to do naughty bits with you. I know a lot of people can’t bear the accent but it does funny things to me.

 9.       I’m scared of getting old. I see imaginary wrinkles. I feel like it’s been 4 days since I was 18 – in reality it’s been 4 years. What!? My life is going by so fast!

 10.   I love having my hair played with. It makes me all sleepy and relaxed and happy. If I’m angry, just start playing with my hair and I’ll probably chill right out.

 11.   Speaking of which, it takes a LOT for me to get angry. But when I go there, I really go there. It’s not pleasant! If you’ve ever gotten on that side of me…sorry!

 12.   My favourite thing in the world is to laugh til my belly hurts, I cry and start snorting. Attractive I know. When you can’t stop laughing and you don’t even know what made you start any more – yeah, that’s the best.

 13.   On a similar theme, I also love it when someone is telling you a funny story and they’re laughing so hard that that they can’t get through it which then makes you laugh hard too. Basically I love/live to laugh!

 14.   I am HORRIBLE with money. Last summer I was working three jobs, all day for 7 days a week and I still ended up with less money than I started with. I absolutely cannot save money.

 15.   I love really strong/black tea. A teeny tiny bit of milk or none at all for me ta! Give me a milky tea and I’ll give it right back. Learn to make a proper brew J

 16.   I love to cook, but I am a very, very messy cook. Seriously, once I’m done it looks like a bomb has hit my kitchen.

 17.   I HATE people who lie. Just don’t.

 18.   I make the best scrambled eggs you’ll ever eat.

 19.   Funny men, all day long. If you can make me laugh a fair amount then I’ll probably fancy you.

 20.   I’m the cuddliest person ever. I love cuddles more than anything.

 21.   I spend too much time exercising.

 22.   People who say that men and women can’t be just friends piss me right off.

 23.   Bad smells make me puke. Literally. I have a stupidly weak stomach.

 24.   Men with too much body hair make me queasy.

 25.   I am struggling to think of anything else right now, so part 2 at a later date!




Hello! This is Me.

29 Jul

Hello beautiful people! My name is Charley and I’m a little bit of a blog virgin/all around technophobe. I’m much more comfortable with a pen and piece of paper and ignoring that computers exist altogether….however I am a bit of a walking, talking contradiction since I would be completely lost without my iPhone (yes, I’m a sheep on this one, I’ll admit it). I have a WHOLE entire summer and then some to fill up with a whole lotta something so I thought that I would try my hand at making a little blogsy. More than anything else I think it’s just going to be a place for me to vent and blabber on about a whole lotta nothing dotted with the odd interesting/semi-amusing post. We’ll see. I’m looking forward to reading all of your blogs and hopefully at least a small selection of you will have a gander of mine!